She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
