New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dear god my vagina.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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