pedialite and red bull = repair kit
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
