hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
