please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I touched a dick in church today
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
