areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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