as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
