you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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