Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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