I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
