it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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