I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
