When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
