How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I love you. Go after that dick
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
