omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize