i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
