Plan B is the new Plan A
i will never coherently bang her
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
