apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
