I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
