i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
