He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We're not piercing ourselves today.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
