I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
