I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
