Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
