i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
