I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
