The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
