Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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