Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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