She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I queefed so loud it echoed.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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