This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
