I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
