i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
