whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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