Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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