I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh god it's open bar.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize