What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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