I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize