This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
