You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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