you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
