i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
this boner is exhausting
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize