i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
