he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Randomize
