You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
