You can't motorboat a personality
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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