so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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