dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
