This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
