if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
