I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
