I think my vagina is haunted
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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