and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
