Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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