You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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