I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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