omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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