just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
