Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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