how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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