she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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