what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
