don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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