Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
