I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
