I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
