If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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