This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
