he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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