If i come over, it means nothing
My liver just broke up with me...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I love you.
Bad choice
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
