i was born a porn star she said
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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