Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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