Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
