i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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