oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
